Looking for Love?

‘I love football’, ‘I love chocolate’, ‘I love Marmite’, ‘I love Mac’, ‘I love My Mum’ – all images we see around us.

Love- people write poems over it, sing songs, write letters…. they go to war over it, sacrifice for it, climb mountains and give fortunes for it,they even die for it!

Have you noticed that most expressions of love are about how we see, feel passion, taste and experience love. It’s all about the senses.

We have seen that the word love is used in many different ways and this can be confusing, but one thing we may be able to agree on is that the love we have considered above is not usually long lasting or fulfilling. If we could wish for a perfect love what would it look like?

Love between a man and woman. Some say there are two types of love- compassionate and passionate! A compassionate love is about mutual understanding and shared respect, long term security. More familiar to us is passionate love which is the sensual and physical love, all about looks, elation and need. This is great when falling in love is returned but what if love is rejected? Lovers can end up in desperation and despair, a real Romeo and Juliet experience! Many films and magazines promote passionate love as the only and best love but is it?  One problem most people do not consider is that passionate love usually only last 6 months to 2 years! That is not a long time and surveys show though most people want types of love very few achieve it.

Love is also used to describe a relationship that is nurturing, involving friendship, support, giving and caring. This type of love is expected between parent and child, friends and family.

Love can also be twisted to take advantage of others. An advert on the web recently said, “9 Magic Words You Must Say To Make Him Fall Deeply In Love” (the best way to make him commit). This sounds manipulative and designed to exploit the lonely and vulnerable. Love can become twisted and controlling. Two sisters had a disagreement and one wanted to hurt the other. She did this by ignoring her sister  and making her love conditional on her sister doing what she wanted. Other examples of twisted love is love that treats another like a sexual object; is this love or lust? Is it love that treats another as a servant, abuses power over her or him? 

Even if we find love how do we nurture it? I noticed a new bunch of tulips in a vase yesterday, but sadly drooping and dying. I lifted out the flowers from the vase and could see that the stems were all brown and damaged- no water or goodness was getting up the stems to feed the flowers. I found if the bottom of the stems were cut and placed back in the vase water, the flowers recovered very quickly.

What issues are clogging our receiving love from each other and is there a place for God in our search for love?

Will we always be disappointed if we expect perfect love? If love is so vital and we all need it why does it breakdown so often and lovers end up enemies?

If you were to describe an ideal love what would it look like? Would you like someone to love you – not because they have to but because they want to? Not just an animal or biological instinct but because they choose to love? To know even when they don’t feel like it and you have not deserved it you can trust them to be loyal, to be steadfast, not to turn against you? Someone who is on your side, accepts you warts and all, even on the bad days?

If you think this describes love more completely you are describing a God-like attribute. In fact it is said that God is love and that we learn how to love from him. The Bible says God showed his love to those who are undeserving and that true love in action is found in the life and work of Jesus Christ: his death on the cross, the ultimate act of God’s love for humanity.

The Bible sums up what God thinks love should be: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ( 1 Cor 14:4-8)

If you think that that is a wonderful description of love why not find out more about this God of Love. If you would like more information from us please contact us at:

www.hopeonthestreet.org.uk or www.facebook.com/hopenews

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Some practical points about improving relationships:  

Hope Cafés is every 3rd Sunday every month @ 3.30pm. Costa Coffee, Leighton Buzzard.

Other events are:

• Coffee Morning, every 4th Thursday 10.30am. St John’s Hall, Vandyke Rd. Leighton Buzzard. If you are looking to make new friends or to be a volunteer get in touch or come along.
• Ten Pin Bowling Group Sunday every month 7.30pm
• All One Cafe at Sandhills Community House- meet the neighbours- next event 8 January 3pm.
• Hope Puppets- like to join our puppet team for performances in the summer? Get in touch. Contact colin@hopeonthestreet.org.uk
• Starting table tennis soon

See our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/hopenews

 Live Music – Quiz – Thought for the Day

EVERYONE WELCOME

FREE ENTRY

Future Hope Cafés Dates 3.30pm

• 19^th February
• 18^th March
• 15^th April
• 20^th May
• 17^th June

Some themes we will tackle in following months:

• Lets Stick Together/ideas for getting on in relationships
• How to help your child succeed/parent survival kit
• Bullying – at home, work or school. Lets fight it
• Trust- where has it gone? Who can I trust?
• Past Times- what can we learn from the past?
• Valentine- what has love got to do with it?

Starting Soon

Christianity Explored gives you time and space to consider the big questions of life and to explore the life of the person who is at the heart of the Christian faith- Jesus Christ.

 Why not give it a try?

A small group that meets for an hour, no commitment or obligation, just an opportunity to find out more.

• You don’t need to know anything about the Bible
• You won’t be asked to read aloud, pray or sing
• You can ask any question you want or just listen

For details contact Colin on  colin@hopeonthestreet.org.uk or tel 07944569773

But change, is tough and challenging; most, if not all of us, would sooner put it off and make no decision or a different one to the one we know we should make. Human decision-making has been studied and it was found that decisions were often illogical and based on prejudice, oversimplification and insufficient information.

I was up early this morning and when I came downstairs in my pyjamas my dog Oscar was very bouncy and wanted to play. It was very cold outside so I let him out the back door and he rushed off, then stopped and turned around, looking so forlorn and sad when he realised I was not following. Oscar stood for ages in desperate hope I would come out. He wanted attention and love so bad. They say that a lot of what we do looking to get that attention, to feel good, to fill that hole inside. Someone once said that all of us have a God shaped hole trying to fill. What if the things we do this year are trying to do that?

Our choices make such a difference. In history there are many examples of choices having significant consequences:

1)    Consider the Second World War- one of the reasons that historians say that that Germany did not win the 2WW was because it only built 12 submarines at the start of the war. Before the war their experts said they needed at least 300 submarines to win but Hitler and others ignored that advice. Instead of subs the High Command built big ships instead (It was not until near the end of the war that the Germans had 300+ submarines operating and by then it was too late). Because of that mistake the Allies able to keep supplies coming in by ship.

2)    Another decision that made a difference: in 1907 a businessman called Arthur Scott had a big paper shipment returned by a customer who complained the paper was too hard and crinkly. Arthur could have got into a strop and thrown the paper out or took legal action, but instead he thought of another use for it. He cut it into strips and made first paper towels, which sold like hot cakes.

3) Some decisions are a mystery. Perhaps you are a Spiderman fan? Well, so far there have been three Spiderman films made so far and if that’s not enough they are going to make another one this summer! The latest film will have a different lead actor for Peter Parker, a guy called Andrew Garfield. Will it make money? Only time will tell!

Ever wondered about the decisions you’ve made and wished you could relive that choice over again?

In the film Sliding Doors, made in 1998 a woman makes a simple choice but what would have happened if she had chosen different? Here is a woman and her relationships shown from two alternative histories. In one she catches out her boyfriend cheating on her, in the other she does not. In one she finds love but is killed, in the other she is let down by love but may find true love but we never find out. It all turned on whether she caught a tube train or not- went through those sliding doors. Some decisions are so simple but they last for an eternity.

The key turning point for me in my life, my ‘sliding doors’, was the time I went to hear a speaker and a sentence from the Bible, something Jesus said stuck on my head. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” I realised I wanted to open the door to Christ, to trust he means good to me. I had been trying hard to change myself but that had not worked, outside changes are OK but what if I let him inside to change me? Is it God’s job to change us from the inside out and not all down to our efforts? What if I forgot the usual shallow resolutions, and looked deeper, for a purpose, to really trust God; open the door and ask what would he want for me? Eventually, I made that choice for God and I can’t imagine what my life would have looked like if I had chosen differently. God has made such a positive difference, giving me hope and purpose and bringing out the best. If you are someone who feels they want more from life, to find out about the love God has for you and who Christ is, check out our Facebook page www.facebook.com/hopenews and web site www.hopeonthestreet.org.uk. Lets talk. No pressure, we want to help if we can.

For those looking for someone to talk to, for help with emotional difficulties. Individual and couple counselling.Colin Johnson has many years counselling and pastoral experience and holds a  Diploma in integrative counselling. He is a member if the counselling bodies BACP and ACC and follows their ethical guidelines. Location- South Bedfordshire,  Leighton Buzzard or Dunstable.

‘Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all’,  Woody Allen

So much dark news in the world currently but never mind Christmas is looming large. My doesn’t it seem to come round faster each year!  For many it is a time of hope. What about you- are you looking forward to the festivities? No? …I guess you aren’t alone! The holiday season prompts some very  mixed reactions – some say it’s too commercial these days and that it’s lost its special flavour, for others Christmas can be a lonely time with sad memories of loved ones gone, for a few it is humbug and so to be ignored altogether. But there are still those for whom Christmas is special, who remember the reason for the season is Christ himself- the baby in the manger.

How about you, what are your feelings as you listen to that interminable High Street Christmas shopping music?

If you are one of those who struggles at this time of year, don’t struggle alone. Speak to someone or join a group to make friends and find support. Many churches, including ours offer groups you can join, groups for different ages and interests. Sometimes if the negative thoughts are ongoing and overwhelm think of contacting a counsellor for professional help.

For those who have faith  or wish to find a faith that really helps through life’s storms- If God too distant, unreal, try finding the face of  God through Christ. His promise of the season is the peace and joy inside that no amount of gifts and things can give. What ever your feelings now, find hope this Christmas and for the New Year.
Happy Christmas and a hopeful New Year.